


I'm WHAT?

by astrophysicist_not_princess



Category: All Time Low (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Bisexual Male Character, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:00:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26336833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astrophysicist_not_princess/pseuds/astrophysicist_not_princess
Summary: Alex realizes something about himself and that makes him very. Very anxious
Relationships: Jack Barakat/Alex Gaskarth
Kudos: 9





	I'm WHAT?

Alex did not want to be here right now. He sat in his second period math class, pencil in hand, leg bouncing, and fingernails chewed to the grit. He was barely scribbling down what his teacher said, his attention phasing in and out like soundwaves in a song.  
The bell rings, and he practically jumps out of his seat, kneeling to stuff his books in his backpack before he stood up, head down, and walked out of the classroom. He straight-up passed his locker, remembering how he used to wait for his friends. That felt like it was months ago now when it was really only two weeks ago.  
Next thing he knew, he was standing in his bedroom, a gentle haze across his mind. A mist over a storm-wracked lake, the ideas like fishes practically jumping at the shore, waiting for him to pick at them.  
Alex looks out the window for his mom's car, which is thankfully absent. His phone buzzes, some notification or other. Probably some update, he didn't care right now. Reaching his hand onto his pocket, he pulls out his phone and goes to his music app, looking for a particular playlist, the one he uses to sleep. Then he grabs a piece of paper and tape, writing "taking a nap: don't feel good" and then sticks it on the outside of his door.  
_Bzzt bzzt_ His phone buzzes again, muffled by the soft bedsheets. Alex sighs and looks through his notifications bar.

Twitter. Twitter. Twitter. Youtube. App updates. Text message. He blinks at the last one. Almost no one texts him, beside his mother.

 _"Hey Alex" Barakat, 3:37 pm_ it reads.

And Alex ignores it, putting in his headphones.

One arm lay relaxed across his stomach, his hand softly wrapped around his phone. The other arm stretched up behind him, under his head like a pillow.

His eyes drift closed, the gentle, fuzzy concept of sleep starting to wash over him in soft waves, helped along by the music pushing it's way through his ears. Just as Alex starts to morph away into the gentle pillow that is sleep, he's jolted awake by his phone buzzing.

"Fucks sake" he mumbles through a sleep-filled throat, picking up his phone in front of his face. 

_"Hey Alex"_

_"You okay? You usually answer faster" Barakat, 4:02_

Alex groans, covering his eyes with his arm.

He opens his phone and texts him back,

 _"Sunshine boy: yeah I was about to take a nap."_ And then rolls over, earbuds still in and starting to make him sleepy from the gentle music.

Again, just as he was comfortable, his phone buzzes. And it's Jack again.

 _"Boy Exotic: Oh alright. Sleep well."_ To which Alex groans again and sits up, shutting off his music.

 _"Sunshine boy: it's fine. I gave up this time,"_ They used to text a lot, until Alex pulled back. He missed it but at the same time... Did he want to risk it?

Just a few weeks ago, Jack had mentioned something while he'd been over at Alex's.

And just with that passing thought, Alex remembered the conversation for the millionth time this week.

_"Hey, did you see the new kid? His name's Harris, he sits next to me in science," Jack popped a piece of popcorn in his mouth, resting his hand back down on his leg as he dropped his head on Alex's direction, "He's nice enough but he keeps talking guys with me," Jack rolled his eyes and laughed._

_"Oh, so he's gay..?" Alex shifted, his back going numb from their choice of seating— the kitchen floor._

_"No, he's bi. There's this neat little button on his backpack, it's nice. But he always talks boys with me, and fuck do I know about that?" Jack just laughs at that, while Alex's brain was turning gears._

_"Bi?" Alex knew what it was, but it never processed through his brain exactly. He'd already questioned whether he was gay and settled for straight, but... Oh dear. And now here he was, on his kitchen floor with his best friend, having an existential crisis._

_"Yeah," Jack took a sip of his soda, "He loves music too though so. If you want another friend, you two could find something to talk about," Alex raised an eyebrow at this, "What? I didn't ask you to fuck him or anything. If you don't want him to make a move, he won't, man," Jack smiled, and Alex knew he was telling the truth._

Alex was pulled from his thoughts by a knock at the door _._

"Come in!" He yelled, stuffing his headphones in his pocket _._

Alex's mother opened the door, ushering Boy exotic himself into Alex's view. Jack just sort of waved as Ms. Gaskarth left, door closed _._

"I texted first, since it's still not seen," Jack started with, looking at Alex's phone on the bed. He picked up his phone and looked, seeing the text.

"Oh," Alex shook his head, clearing the flashback out of the way so he could think. "Yeah I've had a lot on my mind,"

"Alright, so spill, Lex. You've been avoiding us for weeks now, Rian and Zee are worried— I'm worried!" Jack was starting to talk a bit louder, which only made his friend sigh.

"Alright, and? Am I supposed to talk 24/7?"

"That's not an answer and you know it."

"It's nothing important, alright?"

Jack sighed, "Alex, I've seen you in class. You act as if you're going to die in the next few minutes. We've been best friends since third grade for fucks sake, you think I don't know when you're anxious?"

"I'm fine.." Alex deflects his gaze a bit, mumbling. His friend just sighs and sits down.

"I'm not leaving til you tell me what's wrong," Jack crossed his arms, looking like a petulant child protesting homework.

"Go get a suitcase then, Barakat," Alex snaps slightly, an eyebrow raised. 

"So you admit something is wrong?"

"No!" He'd backed himself into a corner now, hadn't he? "I was just saying, nothing to confess to, no reason for you to leave. Beside basic common sense," Alex snorted, standing and rolling his eyes at Jack. He really was an infant wasn't he?

"I'm going to get you a snack then," he started downstairs, glad for the excuse to escape.

Alex gets back with a bowl of popcorn and a soda and sits on his side of the bed, taking a sip. Jack sat on the other end, bowl in his lap.

Jack eats in silence, hoping Alex will open up. Alex could tell by the little glances he sent his way when he thought Alex wasn't looking.

"You can stop looking at me, I'm not gonna say anything."

"Fine, fine," Jack sighed and finished his popcorn.

Alex was in his own head now. Jack was a stubborn person, but he was also just about the only person he actually trusted in his life. So he had two options: face the fact that he's going to have to come out to someone, or bottle it up for the rest of his life. Obviously he'd have to come out at some point, but he didn't know when he would ever want to do that. It was dangerous out there. He'd constantly heard of people being killed for who they loved, who hadn't? 

"Earth to Alex?" Jack sang, snapping his fingers.

"Hm?" Alex was a bit dazed, like the hurricane in his head was actually making him dizzy.

"I've been talking for ten minutes and you haven't heard a word I said," Jack was trying to stifle a laugh and it was barely working.

"......."

"Basically I was talking about music, it's fine,"

"....." Alex was staring off into space, his eyebrows furrowed; he was deep in thought.

"Its really fine, Alex, don't worry.."

"Jack, I'm bi,"

"What?" Jack shook his head, confused.

"That's the thing. I'm bi. You can go if you want to," he mumbled and looked away, scared.

"Oh," Jack needed a minute to process this. Why was Alex so caught up about that? "That's okay, it's not a bad thing, Lex.." he fumbled his words, trying to sound sincere.

Alex nodded, looking away. He seemed deep in thought, while Jack gently hovered his arms in case he needed a hug.

"Look, I know I'm a straight guy— well I think I am anyway— but I'm here if you need someone to talk to. Is that alright?" Jack half smiled, having just talked faster than he had in a while.

Alex smiled and nodded, leaning over and practically toppling his best friend with a hug. Both of them giggled as Jack had a death grip on the bed so he wouldn't fall.

That was all it took to bring Alex out of his shell again. The pair were left laughing and hugging for the rest of the night. Just two friends, supporting each other.

**Author's Note:**

> Heyy y'all! This is one of the writings from my tumblr, and as I'm transferring here from Wattpad and tumblr, I'm realizing exactly how fucked my writing is.


End file.
